did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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