im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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