The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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