If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
the liver wants what the liver wants
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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