Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
