Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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