Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
