I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
