how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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