apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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