I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
