Whats the glycemic index on semen?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
