This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
