I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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