Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
