take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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