Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
