If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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