I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
