It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i permit you to call me
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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