so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Your shirt... Was in my pants
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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