I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I FOUND THE LEGS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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