my mouth tastes like poor choices
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
