It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
