Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize