Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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