Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize