Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
