i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
