my shit smells like andre
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
