another moral hangover. fuck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
