i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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