Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
