I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize