1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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