someone owes me an orgasm
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
