Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
