sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
