dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
