I love black thongs
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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