i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
