She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
