trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am naked and annoyed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
