That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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