The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
