did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
