to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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