Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
