My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize