I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
