looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize