Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
