Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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