Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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