So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize