it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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