It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
