Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
