I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
