it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
