he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
