weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
