I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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