Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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