nut hugger
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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