I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
