my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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