I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
