You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
