Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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