pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
