It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
