just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
