there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
