i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
