Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
are you so shy because you have an std?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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